Faith in Fiction

I wish I were addicted, because
addiction's an excuse, and
I could use a lie or two.
But deceiving yourself
is harder than you might imagine.
All my brain's gone to hell,
and my heart's probably worse;
I've made love such a sin
that it's become my addiction.

I want to be a politician, because
then you'd see me in a suit.
I've got looks and a mind to boot,
but they don't count for nothin':
I want a goal I can pursue.
All my love's in automatic transmission,
and all my life is shifting gears;
I wish that I had faith in fiction,
but my skepticism is far too dear.

I wish that I were licked,
defeated, face down in the dust.
It wouldn't be my responsibility anymore,
and I wouldn't have to make decisions;
I could simply blame this
all on my addictions, instead
of feeling the perpetual fear
that these are the wages of my sin...
the wages of my sin.

I wish that I had faith in fiction.
I wish that I had faith in fiction.

~09/2007

Manifesto

there are days when I can do nothing but
sequester myself with sleep, there are days
when even the softest of words invite
a cacophony of doubt, there are days
when my hollow reflection pouts and writhes
like a child for attention, there are days
when dawn beckons me, but swallowing my
golden sun, I choke and gag, there are days,
more often now, when I live only half
a life, when gravity’s game seems weighted
for a win, when my teeth tint every laugh
with growls of fuck this, and for my own sake,
          I will strive each second to be happy.
          each hour I will make myself be happy.

~11/08